austin

james alan mikal kirkwood.
CAN EAT SHIT. js

anywho i havent updated this, but in the fall i am moving to austin texas, ive already had my deal of drama and shitty guys from this area, and ive filtered through who to trust and who to not give two shits about. hope your one of the few i actually like, if not when im in atx, ill make your life hell :D

i'll be attending sxsw this coming up week/end. and im looking forward to it, im staying with a really sweet guy named stephen :P

sometimes i just wish youd see
whats right in front of your face
my heart lies in front of you like an open book
and you cant even read along the lines
did it hurt you to look in my eyes
the day after you crushed my heart
and did it hurt you to know that i still couldnt let you go?
my brain is telling me to give up and move along
yet my heart is holding on so tight
lingering on the words you spoke so believably
how did we end up here
to this point of no return
you had stepped out of my dreams
only to become a nightmare that i cant awaken from

realizing you are alone

its that feeling you get late at night when you realize youre alone
its that burning in the pit of your stomach when you see him with her
its all about the old pictures you swear youre going to delete one day
its when you wake up to put your arms around the ghost of someone once there
its when you laugh out loud to yourself remembering "that one time.."
its when you get that feeling in your throat right before the tears come
its when they say goodbye, forever.


thats when you realize..
theyre really gone..

its when you fall, and noone is there to catch you, this time.

     Sometimes life comes at you fast, and knocks you flat on your ass. And the second you fall it begins to kick at you, and it will try its hardest not to let you up. Instinclty you try to hardest to fight back and pull yourself up again. but youll realize the harder you try the harder the force upon your shoulders is held. sometimes you jsut have to sit back close your eyes and just let things pass you by. the pressure will start to ease with each deep breath.

      im in the process of making it back to my feet at this point and time.

     Im beginning to wonder if the word love is real. i think its just something the people at halmark made up to make people lacking "love" feel miserable. i sit here and think about all the people in my past who have said they loved me, and now im wondering.. where are they now? love is an undying feeling. its when you see someone years later and your heart still beats a little faster.

     These days people only date because of someones social status, or money, or the worst, for sex. what happened to being in a relationship with someone that you really care about. Im looking for someone who will lay in bed all day with me when im sick, someone who doesnt want or expect sex from me, someone who REALLY loves me.

im done rambling, i think i got my poitn across.
i feel better now.

IT WAS ALL FAKE.

 it is safe to say that i am upside down, backwards, twisted to the left, head over feet for my boyfriend gabriel. i have never in my life met someone and connected with them as fast as i did with him we spent a whole week together and in that week we went from awkward shyness to not wanting to be away from one another, within that one week we were inseverable, we did EVERYTHING together. and that is when  i realized, that i would not mind doing that all day everyday, im not worried about being alone when im older, because i think i have finally found the boy of my dreams. he is perfect in every way.